Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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