Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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