she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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