can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Less talking, more tequila
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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