I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
