There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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