Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize