I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize