dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
