RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
