She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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