Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize