Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize