i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
