i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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