Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize