I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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