don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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