How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
