what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
