I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
