My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
