I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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