i jhust puked up my retainher.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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