How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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