The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
