I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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