I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
