Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
