I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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