The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Are we still banned from the library?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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