i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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