Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
