1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
