At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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