I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
