I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hippo gnu deer
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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