its not stalking. its research.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
