Plan B is the new Plan A
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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