I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
