He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
