What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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