listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
