i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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