next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
