Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
