Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
