So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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