we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
pop tarts are not kleenex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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