White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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