Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
