I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize