Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
