did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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