i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
