We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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