I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
