I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
