Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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