1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
