Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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