oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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