3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
