My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All the doctor said was why
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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