The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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