then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
