hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
