i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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