it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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