I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
