I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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