Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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